U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
