Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
