Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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