Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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