You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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