You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
