pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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