my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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