I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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