mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
