My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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