I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
