You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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