i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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