theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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