Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
