Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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