Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
