I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
