I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I could have mohawked her pubes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
