she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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