Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
