this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
