you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
