her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
