you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
