You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
