He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
