We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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