That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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