I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i need some magic done to my vagina
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
