I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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