I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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