I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
