He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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