Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
