Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
