I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
where are my eyebrows?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
