come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
