Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
