Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
