I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
