I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
