my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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