I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
