Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
