Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
