Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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