The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
