Pappa wants mamma naked
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
